THE HOBBIT
Bilbo Baggins: Ah, now for some peace and quiet. Oops, someone's at thedoor.
Balin: We're dwarves. I'm the merry one.
Dwalin: I'm the happy one.
Fili: I'm the young one.
Kili: I'm the other young one.
Dori: I'm the funny one.
Nori: I'm the joyous one.
Ori: I'm the cute one.
Oin: I'm the jolly one.
Gloin: I'm the silly one.
Bifur: I'm the one with the funniest name.
Bofur: I'm the one with the looniest name.
Bombur: I'm the fat one.
Thorin: I'm the one with a distinct personality.
Gandalf: Now that you're all here, let's go on a quest.
(They get captured by TROLLS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost getEATEN. Then they get captured by ORCS, and it is DANGEROUS, because theyalmost get EATEN.)
Bilbo Baggins: What have I got in my pocket?
Gollum: I don't know.
(They get captured by SPIDERS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost getEATEN.)
Smaug: I'm an evil dragon. Hiss hiss.
(Bilbo Baggins turns INVISIBLE, and then some obscure co-star SLAYS thedragon, and it makes a MESS.)
Bilbo Baggins: I'm going home. Peace and quiet, here I come.
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we'll try todestroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with.
Bilbo Baggins: It's not evil. It's mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELLYOU!!MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attackedby black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.)
Elrond: Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will bedestroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ringto where he lives.
(They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES inthe mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form havingtriumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where theguy comes back as a DOG.)
Boromir: Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring.
Frodo: No.
Boromir: What have I done? (dies)
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------
THE TWO TOWERS
(Gandalf frees THEODEN and overthrows SARUMAN. A bunch of IRRELEVANT stuffhappens. Then the PLOT starts up again.)
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------
THE RETURN OF THE KING
Aragorn: We must travel the Paths of the Dead.
Eowyn: You'll die.
(They don't.)
Gandalf: The Hordes of Mordor will destroy Minis Tirith.
(They don't.)
Gandalf: We must attack Mordor. We'll all be killed.
(They aren't.)
Gollum: Mmmm, yummy finger! (dies)
Frodo: The Ring has been destroyed, but now we will die in Mordor.
Sam: Buck up, Master Frodo.
(A bunch of feathered DEUS EX MACHINAS come out of NOWHERE and save EVERYBODY.)
THE END
Bilbo Baggins: Ah, now for some peace and quiet. Oops, someone's at thedoor.
Balin: We're dwarves. I'm the merry one.
Dwalin: I'm the happy one.
Fili: I'm the young one.
Kili: I'm the other young one.
Dori: I'm the funny one.
Nori: I'm the joyous one.
Ori: I'm the cute one.
Oin: I'm the jolly one.
Gloin: I'm the silly one.
Bifur: I'm the one with the funniest name.
Bofur: I'm the one with the looniest name.
Bombur: I'm the fat one.
Thorin: I'm the one with a distinct personality.
Gandalf: Now that you're all here, let's go on a quest.
(They get captured by TROLLS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost getEATEN. Then they get captured by ORCS, and it is DANGEROUS, because theyalmost get EATEN.)
Bilbo Baggins: What have I got in my pocket?
Gollum: I don't know.
(They get captured by SPIDERS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost getEATEN.)
Smaug: I'm an evil dragon. Hiss hiss.
(Bilbo Baggins turns INVISIBLE, and then some obscure co-star SLAYS thedragon, and it makes a MESS.)
Bilbo Baggins: I'm going home. Peace and quiet, here I come.
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we'll try todestroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with.
Bilbo Baggins: It's not evil. It's mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELLYOU!!MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attackedby black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.)
Elrond: Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will bedestroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ringto where he lives.
(They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES inthe mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form havingtriumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where theguy comes back as a DOG.)
Boromir: Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring.
Frodo: No.
Boromir: What have I done? (dies)
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------
THE TWO TOWERS
(Gandalf frees THEODEN and overthrows SARUMAN. A bunch of IRRELEVANT stuffhappens. Then the PLOT starts up again.)
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------
THE RETURN OF THE KING
Aragorn: We must travel the Paths of the Dead.
Eowyn: You'll die.
(They don't.)
Gandalf: The Hordes of Mordor will destroy Minis Tirith.
(They don't.)
Gandalf: We must attack Mordor. We'll all be killed.
(They aren't.)
Gollum: Mmmm, yummy finger! (dies)
Frodo: The Ring has been destroyed, but now we will die in Mordor.
Sam: Buck up, Master Frodo.
(A bunch of feathered DEUS EX MACHINAS come out of NOWHERE and save EVERYBODY.)
THE END
No comments:
Post a Comment